The 10 Commandments of the Brewery

Thou shalt not:

  1. Impose your beer dogma on others. Craft beer is the ultimate expression of individuality and freedom of choice- principles upon which our great nation was founded. At the present moment, there is no objective method of measuring the quality of beer which does not involve individual tastes, preferences, or experiences. Every single beer is different and it is the responsibility of each individual to determine the quality of a beer.
  1. Leave wounded soldiers. Leaving an unfinished beer could be the highest form of disrespect to a brewery. I don’t want to get all on my high horse explaining why you shouldn’t do this, but just keep in mind a lot of work goes into making these craft beers so have the common courtesy to finish it. There’s always exceptions, if you received a dirty glass, if your beer was served at an improper temperature, or if the beer is sour where the style does not call for it (a sign of dirty tap lines), then you should return it to the beer tender in exchange for another pint for free and with no hassle.
  1. Bring young children to the brewery. Just because you can, does not mean you should. The brewery is no place for babies or young children who cannot look after themselves. If your child is not old enough to be left alone for the weekend, then they have no place being around adults consuming alcohol. For those who do bring their children to the brewery do not dare ask me to not smoke or swear- it will not end well.
  1. Be cheap, tip your beer tender. Listen, I get it. You’re not rich, and all they did is pour you a beer, but if you received good service and you had a good time then do the right thing. And it doesn’t have to be anything crazy, conventional wisdom says a $1 per beer tip is respectable. But don’t be afraid to do more especially if you plan on being a regular, you will be surprised how quickly you make friends.
  1. Complain about the prices of the brewery. Nobody is forcing you to buy their beer. The employees do not set the prices they only do their jobs. If the brewery down the street offers a better deal, then walk your ass down there buy their beer. If you do not like the prices of a brewery, then make your own beer.
  1. Hold up the line when ordering. There may not be anything that drives me crazier than someone who has been standing in line and then doesn’t know what they want when they get to the front, meanwhile you’re standing there ready to go. “It’s shit or get off the pot time.” Know what you want before you get in line or make sure you have enough time to figure it out, and this goes double if you are getting a flight.
  1. Ask for excessive samples or “tastes” of beer. There are other customers waiting. There is no exact limit to how many tasters you should have, but be respectful of the institution. Only ask for tasters of the beers which you intend to purchase. If you want to taste all of them, then order a flight.
  1. Select your beer solely on the basis of Alcohol-by-Volume Percentage (ABV). Microbrews often contain a much higher ABV than macrobrews due to the traditional brewing methods. Brewing is an art form and to reduce this artistic expression by only choosing beers based on ABV is to disrespect the hard work and creativity of your brewer.
  1. Ask for a free drink on your birthday. A brewery is a business, not a charity. Congratulations, you were born on this day- so were millions of others. Nobody cares about your birthday.
  1. Use your cell phone in the company of others. Just a commandant for decent, civilized people. Be in the present moment and look your friends in the eyes when you talk to them. If you absolutely must answer a call or send a text, step outside to do it.
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